this place...

it took me nearly two years to love this place.

moving here was so hard. the first year i was miserable. before we moved, i’d been to berkeley once. we got here and nathan immediately started a program that required more of him than either of us had imagined. he was gone and i was lonely, unemployed and painfully homesick for nyc and my community there. i couldn’t picture happiness in this place.

some where along the line it started to change. the first real connection i felt to this place was the farmersmarket. every sunday the temescal farmers market fills up the oakland dmv parking lot and brings a feast of the most gorgeous produce you’ve ever laid your eyes on. it is a the perfect size (read: small) and the vendors remember who you are. it is a weekly staple in my life. i was nervous about going without nathan, but have made a little ritual of going and listening to whatever musician happens to be playing and sipping my coffee.

the next part of this area that won me over is the mountains. being from nm, mountains are the key to my heart. these mountains aren’t the dry, high mountains of santa fe, but they have their own amazing qualities. i started to open myself up to this land while hiking in deep redwooded ravines and crossing the sweeping grassy hills.

also, have you seen this ocean? as a desert girl i can never get over living close to the water. it blows my mind each time i visit. and while i sometimes wish it was warm enough to jump in, i feel most inspired by the cold, violent and powerful water of the northwest.

the final step in finding happiness here was building a new community. i was adopted by my sister's close friends and i refer to them as my bay area gardian angels. they take such good care of me and their generosity has helped me extremely rough times. we've also made lifelong friends who i feel so lucky to know.

it’s hard to know where we’ll be in the future. a job or school could take us somewhere completely new. i’m not sure where we’ll end up, but i can see this being our place for a while. it's a nice thought.

life these days

valentining

card from my brother

h.y.j. taking advantage of the guest bed in the living room

life these days has been good. my brother came to stay with me for a month (!) when he first told me about it i was really nervous. i'm not used to sharing my space with anyone besides nathan. everything has gone amazingly well though and both of us are doing great. oakland provides a nice break from santa fe for him. and he's helping me out with my life here (mainly harlo.) it's the most time we've spent together since i was in high school. i'm pretty proud of both of us.

this girl...

when nathan was on his first year-long traveling fellowship, i had a betta fish named beebe. he was gorgeous and had serious attitude, but at the end of the day, he was just a fish. he didn't provide a whole lot of comfort to me on lonely nights. harlo is a whole different story. her presence is a very important part of maintaining my sanity/happiness etc. while nathan is away. having her makes my life better.

nathan and i adopted her almost two years ago. it has been and continues to be a challenging ride. between the separation anxiety and the dog aggression there have been lots of frustration and tears. but it is so worth it. she takes care of me. she makes me get out of the house and into the mountains. she gets really happy to see me when i come home. she cuddles. and while she hasn't been allowed into the bed yet, i'm guessing it's only a matter of time...

after complaining that i had to rush home to walk the dog, someone i work with suggested i might find someone else to take care of her while nathan is gone. i stared at him in confusion. do what now? i may feel a bit overextended being a single-dog-parent, but not having her would be a far more terrible reality than having to make the time to take care of her.

it begins

heading out

just me and harlo now (and mister, but he's MIA most of the time)

new morning routine

morning walk

I started this blog as a sort of accountability mechanism for myself while Nathan is gone. When we decided that he was going to do another year of travel, I knew that I needed to make the year something special for me as well. I’m staying put in our life with the dog, cat and apartment, but it’s important to me that I’m not just twiddling my thumbs and toes waiting for him to get home. Notjustpassingtime is my attempt to challenge myself in different ways, whether it’s crafting, exploring the area where I live or just being more aware of my surroundings. Here's hoping...

on a sunday

family came up from the south bay and we enjoyed a day of together time. the occasion called for bloody marys naturally.

santa fe

i feel so lucky to love the place that i'm from. i love the mountains, the sky, the food and most importantly, the people. going home means seeing beloved family and friends i've known for decades. going home fills a huge part of my heart that can't be filled by anything else.

heart filling family time goodness

it's going to take a lot for a place to ever feel more like home than santa fe.